I have a confession to make. Prior to the SCYTHIA tour this past April, I had never had the opportunity to enjoy a BJ. I know how unbelievable that sounds, I know. My whole life I've spent hearing stories about BJs and how good you supposedly feel afterwards. Hell, I've even seen a few BJs in public places. Anyways, several dates into the tour I noticed my bandmates slinking down a remote alley in one of Surrey's questionable neighbourhoods.
“Where do you go, bandmates?” Quoth I.
“We go for BJs, Jeff.” Quoth they. “Care to join us?”
I was torn. We had a soundcheck to attend to in Mission, but the forbidden fruit dangled lascivious in front of me. Looking over our shoulders to ensure we weren't observed, we disappeared between the meandering streets. Within a few scant minutes, we arrived at dilapidated strip mall. The BJ repository stood out like a sore thumb, a frantic logo wrapped lavishly in purple neon against the dismal urban backdrop of brick and spray paint. Hip-hop music bumped and thumbed and comely girls lounged therein. Next door to it lay a sushi shop of significant disrepute. In my nervousness, I reached for the grimy door-handle of the Japanese establishment. A large hand slapped mine away.
“Don't go in there,” bellowed resonant voice of Johnny Ketlo, vocalist and guitarist of OMEGA CROM. “I wouldn't recommend it.” With one final look at the paper lamps and kanji prints beyond the scummy glass, I turned in sullen defeat to meet my BJ destiny.
Long story short, I ordered a “Sonic Soy” and a chicken panini. It was pretty tasty and reasonably priced. Now I get Booster Juice at every opportunity.
[Loosely based on actual events of the tour, which was a blast]
- Jeff
